


Second Time Around

by ASlick12



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASlick12/pseuds/ASlick12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes we almost miss our chance the second time around, others were realize with a little push.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Time Around

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's been a while but between work and women's league games during the week I just haven't had the energy or time to put into finishing a story. There's more to come soon though, but for now enjoy!

Fandom: 嵐  
Genre: Hurt/Comfort  
Pairing: Sakumoto  
Title: Second Time Around

Second Time Around  
The greenroom was tense Ohno decided. It was too tense in his opinion and he was sure it was because Jun and Sho were having another squabble after Jun snapped at Masaki. It had been so long since Sho and Jun had a good day with one another. Ohno could not even remember the last time the two of them were on friendly terms. It was almost as if something private had happened several years ago and Jun had become an almost entirely different person because of it. Ohno was not stupid enough to think that the real Jun was no longer in there. Jun was just buried behind such high walls that they were incredibly taxing to climb. 

 

Jun keeps eye contact with Sho throughout his rant but Sho knows something has changed just by the cold solidity of Jun's light eyes. His eyes widen sharply as Jun purses his lips as if debating silently on something. His lips shift just a bit, only enough for Sho to notice it, and he begins to move. Sho watch as he stands quietly and just walks out of the room tugging his jacket on as he goes. Sho realizes that he died off mid sentence his harsh words still sitting in his throat. Ohno's eyes follow Jun's dispondant movements with Sho and after a few seconds he jumps up to follow Jun but not without tossing an angry glare over his shoulders at Sho. They all knew how Jun was and yet Sho never seemed to care. Hell everyone could see how much Jun still loved the older man who had done nothing but break him more and more each day.   
Ohno found Jun outside as usual but this time he was sitting on the ledge of the building up on the roof. A lit cigarette dangles from his shaking finger tips even as he tried to steady himself enough to actually smoke it. Ohno can tell by the hunched form of his shoulders that Jun is fighting off those same inner demons that he's been battling for years. Ohno and Nino understood his pain; Nino perhaps the most considering he was the one that went to Ohno when things were really bad in the beginning. "I just...I'm never right Satoshi? What life is good when nothing you do is right?" His tone was bitter and for some reason Ohno equated it with being wet. Ohno realizes a bit belatedly that the reason Jun's voice sounded wet was because his cheeks were covered in small streaks of pain. 

 

Climbing up alongside Jun, Ohno pulls the younger man into the tightest hug he possibly could while also stubbing out the lit cigarrette. "Oh Jun..." That soft murmur is enough for Jun's hastily built walls to crumble around him. His tears come more readily now and he can do nothing to stop the way his shoulders shake against Ohno's hold. He felt so useless. He felt imperfect in the worst sense of the word and he felt like he would never be anything more than an annoyance; a mere child in the eyes of the only one his heart would ever notice. 

 

"I...Satoshi, I've tried so hard for so long to be better. I've tried to mature and grow up but it seems like he hates me even more than before." Jun's shaking morphs into his entire body being wracked with his pain and desperation. Ohno was thankful for the railing at their backs because they may have just tipped over the side of the building if it was not there. "All I want is to be noticed...to be loved like he loves everyone else. I don't care anymore if he loves me the same way I love him...I just can't handle him hating me." 

 

Ohno leans his head silently on Jun's and breathes in the fresh sweet scent that was somehow naturally Jun. It breathed through the cologne, shampoo, and body washes that Jun loved and surrounded him with this sweet addicting fragrance. Ohno felt that it was almost feminine in a way that only Jun could pull of. 

 

"I don't think he knows how to deal with this you Jun. He only gave enough time to be annoyed by the young mischievious teen that you had been when we started." Jun nods somberly and yet the shaking in his body does not stop. "Sometimes I wonder how much he really likes hismelf, Juju. Maybe he can't love someone like you because you're too precious." Ohno can feel the curve of Jun's lips at the private nickname Ohno and Nino had given to him one drunk night long ago.

 

After a while Jun pulls away from Ohno and wipes at his eyes with shaking hands. He reaches for his cigarette and lights it again. This time he draws in a deep breath and relishes in the calm that settles over him with the robotic movements of smoking. He did not have to think about it. He could mechanically pull it to his mouth and draw in the toxins. After a few calming drags he offers it to Ohno and the older man shakes his head. Jun shrugs and does not say anything when Ohno lays his head on Jun's shoulder. His dark eyes are turned to the skies and Jun feels that he could never have found better friends than in Ohno and Nino, who was probably still inside laying into Sho. "Thank you..." Ohno only nods, as they have had this conversation far too many times, and waits patiently for Jun to finish his smoke. 

 

Afterward, Jun follows Ohno back through the hallways with his hands shoved in his pockets. They reach the green room and Nino is playing his DS while Sho is no where to be found. "I think we're done for today. Kazu get your stuff we're going to Jun's and he's making us dinner. Masaki make sure Sho gets home alright." Masaki nods solemnly while Nino collects his belongings in his small drawstring bag. He pockets his DS and follows Ohno out the door to load their belongings up in Jun's car awhile.   
Jun walks quietly over to his bags and drops his cigarettes back into the bag before retrieving his keys. He turns toward Masaki and bites his lip. "Masaki...I'm really sorry for earlier. A lot has just been going on lately." Masaki grins in his normal way, Jun related it to sunshine, and nods enthusiastically before hugging Jun. "I never mean to hurt anyone; you're really amazing Masaki; really." 

 

"It's okay Jun-kun. I forgive you but next time don't bottle everything up okay?" Jun nods against Masaki's shoulder despite feeling as if he did not want to bother anyone more than he always was. "If you ever need an ear to listen Jun-kun you can call me. I'm going to worry about you either way." Masaki releases him and Jun nods mutely. He shoulders his bag just as Sho reenters the room looking deflated. Jun shuffles past him when he goes to speak and ignores his name being called out by the older man. He couldn't face Sho again; twice in one day would shatter his fragile walls entirely. 

 

Nino takes his keys when he arrives at the parking garage and insists on him sitting in the back with Ohno. "If you're making us dinner you need extra cuddles because I personally do not like blood in my food." Jun chuckles at Nino's sarcasm. The drive back to his apartment is short and filled with Nino imitating their extra Arashi team members for the evening. He especially enjoyed making fun of Toma because it made Jun laugh the most. Somewhere deep inside Nino was afraid that Jun would fall into that dark hole and, instead of finding him bloody and crying, Nino would find him lifeless in a pool of his own blood. For weeks after he found Jun that night he had nightmares about losing his best friend to the black void he had fallen into. The thought alone scared Nino so much that he had gone to Ohno after only four days of the nightmares. Ohno had agreed to help him hold Jun steady for however long it would take them. Nino had the sneaking suspicion that Ohno, like him, had somehow fallen for Jun but they both had gotten to the point where his happiness was all that mattered to them anymore. 

 

That night the trio fell asleep on Jun's sofa wrapped in blankets and leaning on one another contently. Nino and Ohno had one hand each wrapped lovingly around each of Jun's wrists; as if to keep him there with them even when they were not awake. Jun for his own part had never touched his own skin again after Nino had found him. The horrified fear that he had seen staring back at him still haunted him to this day. It was not fear that someone was going to die in front of him or that there was so much blood; no it was the horrified realization that he may be losing something irreplaceable to him in his heart. Jun could see that him leaving, him giving up would destroy one of the few people in the world that loved him no matter what he was or did. Hell, Jun's own family could not even accept that he was gay and not just going through a phase. 

 

Even after Ohno and Nino fell asleep, Jun remained awake and lost in his thoughts of the past. He had loved Sho so much. Sho had been gentle in their first interaction. He was the first person Jun had gone to when he first found out about his preferences. Masaki and Toma had been looking at a magazine and oggling the girls in it but Jun found his eyes straying to the other figure in the pictures instead of the pretty girls. Sho had been kind and told him that those things were natural and that he struggled with the same things at Jun's age. After the many years of sorting out those parts of himself; Jun realized that gender did not particularly matter to him more so than the fact that it was simply Sho. Sho had been his first, even though no one knew that but the two it belonged between. He was gentle and tender; guiding Jun through every step with the same patience he used when tutoring the younger boy. After that night it happened more and more often and yet Jun was sure that Sho could see Jun was breaking more with every midnight trist in one of their hotel rooms. Still, Sho's harsh words haunted him from that night so many years ago. He was too young; too immature to understand that Sho was growing up and that he did not want some fling with someone who could not understand what it meant to love. Now, Jun thinks he may have known what love meant far more than Sho did. 

 

~~嵐~~

The next morning Jun, Nino, and Ohno arrived in the studio a few moments after Masaki did. He greets them each with a joyous grin and a tight Aiba Masaki hug. Jun hugs him extra tight and presses a warm kiss to his cheek in thanks for his kind words the night before. They had filming for a new video that day so Jun was the first one to be taken back for hair and make-up since he had showered earlier that morning before making Ohno and Nino breakfast. The two idiots had decided to sleep in and had yet to shower so they were sent to the shower stalls before the stylist would touch them. Masaki had told the stylists that he left a piece of his outfit in the car and had disappeared to retrieve it. 

 

Jun sat silently in the chair as his ear buds blared the newest song they would be making a video for. He needed to know everything about the song to be able to get the filming perfect. He understood how his mind worked in that way now. He was not a simple person. He analysed every detail before he could transfer and twist his knowledge of it into other forms. 

 

He did not even notice Sho taking his seat to get his hair and make-up done. For once Jun is glad that he is so absorbed in his work. He knew work would ease the pain; not take it completely away grant you but ease it enough to be barable. The stylist taps him lightly and shoos him away without a word. He silently walks toward the nearest practice room that he had claimed as his own many years ago. This was once a place he spent time with Sho but now it reminded him to keep his mind focused on his work. Perhaps he was a masochist by forcing himself to work in a room with so many memories but he also knew that if he did not focus he would feel pain. 

 

So as everyone else scrambles to finish getting ready, Jun pushes himself through each and every move even the hardest ones to try and learn them perfectly. He should have known better than to push himself to hard with how he has been eating and sleeping lately but that does not stop him. Anything to take the pain away was worth it to Jun. Aside from that one mysterious reason, Jun enjoyed dancing. For just a short moment Jun left his own body and became another character althogther. Through these characters he felt freedom. He felt so free that he does not even register his world going black.

~~嵐~~

While Nino and Ohno were getting their hair and make up done while Masaki joined them for the second time today, Sho was left to search for Jun who had left the studio in favor of a practice room. Jun usually took up space in a spare practice room that they rarely used any more because they had moved into the larger rooms when they started having more space for their concerts. Sho almost sighs in relief when he hears the telltale beat of their newest PV blasting through the speakers of the dance room down the hall form him. He can hear the rapid steps of the main part of the dance number. Jun is moving with the same chilly grace he always danced with. 

 

Sho takes a short moment to lean against the door and watch the younger man move. His mind wanders slowly into the past when he'd spend hours in here with Jun studying and working on coreography so the younger man could stay ahead in school and memorize everything for their concerts and PV shoots. His thoughts wander toward the pandora's box in the back of his mind and it's almost opened when Sho's eyes focus on the sway in Jun's knees as they lock. Sho watches in horror as Jun's head lulls as if falling asleep and his knees buckle. He felt like the younger man was falling in slow motion and he almost gasp in shock when the younger man lands solidly on his lap and sotmach. Jun was like dead weight on his lap and no matter how many times Sho called his name or lightly hit his cheeks. 

 

Sho's shouts call the attention of the other three members and Nino falls to his knees at the doorway his eyes never straying from that pale lifeless face. "No, no, no..." Nino scrambles across the floor and tugs Jun's frame out of Sho's hands. Sho's eyes are wide and in shock but Ohno sees the horrified shaking in Nino's hands as he taps Jun's cheeks. "Please J you promised me I would never have to see this! This is all your fault!" Nino rounds on Sho as his shoulders shake and his eyes fill with tears. 

 

"Nino that's enough." Nino turns his hurt eyes to Ohno who is already dialing for an ambulance. He knew it was enough but something had to take this pain away. He could not lose Jun. He just couldn't. Jun was his best friend and it horrified him that someone made Jun into this. So he cannot speak. He cannot say that he was sorry or that it was not Sho's fault. He could only clutch at Jun's hand even after they load him into the ambulance with the cameras flashing and the reporters trying desperately to figure out what's wrong with Jun. 

~~嵐~~

The camera's flash in front of their faces as they sit at the table in the company. Nino was shaken up but he held himself together just enough to show a strong front to the eyes of reports. He and Sho had gone at it before they left and Ohno had persuaded him into join he and Masaki at the press conference. The space where the two other chairs should be sitting was severely missed. Sho was always the calmness that they could lean on and Jun had the ability to take away any unease that reporters felt between them with a generous smile and a flash of those perfect white teeth. 

 

"As of today Jun-kun has been hospitalized and is steadily recovering. We've been told that he was over worked and exhausted but that he will recover quickly and be back in action within a few weeks. We hope our fans understand that until the time that Jun is released and able to work with us again that several of our upcoming programs will be canceled and postponed. Our main focus in the coming weeks is taking care of Jun-kun and making sure he can recover fully." Cameras snap and flash and Ohno meets the eyes of one of Sho's co-worker who is live on the scene. If it was any other band it may have been Sho reporting since he was a Johnny's but Sho had blatantly refused to talk to anyone since Jun had arrived at the hospital. His boss had even called and he ignored it in favor of gripping tighter to Jun's hand. 

 

Ohno had never seen the older man so lost before. Even when Sho had considered quitting the group he had never appeared lost or helpless. He had known his options and weighed them with care but Ohno could concede that Sho never had much control when it came to Jun. Sho did not like things he could not control and Jun was one of those things. Even to this day Ohno and Nino could not fully understand how Jun worked. It took forever for Jun to understand how his mind worked. 

 

Ohno is drawn from his thoughts at the insistent jabbing of Nino's sharp elbow into his ribs. "Ah, gomen, we're all very worried for Jun-kun's health and Sho-kun opted to remain with Jun-kun until his family arrives." Ohno knew it was a lie because they would only cause trouble if they came considering how often they were the cause of Jun's pain. His mother refused to believe her son was gay and would not be getting married or having children, not that he could now anyway considering that was not allowed. 

 

All three of the men release a sigh of relief as the press conference ends and they shuffle back into the vans to be taken back to the hospital and ultimately to the quiet room where their close friend is lying motionlessly. The same shallow pleas linger in their mind for Jun to wake up and get better. They missed him. 

 

~~嵐~~

The steady beeping of the monitors connecting to Jun are now a peaceful hum in the background of his thoughts. Could Nino have been right? Was Jun's condition because of him? Sho squeezes lightly at his band mate's hand before glancing at his peaceful features. Jun looked horrible in this light, Sho realizes. 

 

"This all your fault you know! All Jun has ever wanted was for you to acknowledge the fact that he is amazing! Everything he does means nothing without your approval Sakurai yet all you ever do is tell him what he's done wrong!" Nino was fuming as his cheeks slowly blossomed with red. Sho could only sit silently and watch Nino from where he was standing at the far end of Jun's bed. His body was hunched forward as if at any moment he might lung for Sho but his body shook with emotion. "All Jun has ever noticed was what you said...no matter how many times I have to see him breaking before my eyes he still waits for your approval! Do you know that he leaves filming everyday and goes home to practice the choreography for the next performance or video? Do you know that he comes in early every morning before filming to go over everything that needs to be done? Do you know how many nights I've come back hours later looking for him to find him passed out with spreads for our next tour scattered around the room?! You never knew because you did not take the time to look!" 

 

Ohno reached for Nino but he pulled away roughly and strode out he door muttering something about a smoke break. Sho could not believe that Jun had done so much to gain his attention. Did Jun not relaize his attention was always on the younger man? Sho was his biggest supporter when he decided to venture further into the acting side of his career years ago. Sho was at every opening night of Jun's movies or stage productions. He bought every magazine with a spread of Jun in it so he could tell the younger man how amazing the magazine was. Hell he was the first one to call Jun when he got the first male cover for that huge fashion magazine. 

 

Ohno only stared at Jun for a long while before finally turning his eyes to meet Sho's questioning gaze. "Kazu isn't lashing out because Jun's hurt Sho...he's lashing out because we both know that our love would never be enough to fill the void that yours left in his heart."

 

Sho remember the shot of fierce surprise that had gone straight through his chest when Ohno revealed that small sliver of knowledge to Sho. He and Jun were careful in those days to hide their precious relationship behind excuses of tutoring and extra practice. Sho could not imagine how Ohno would know if he were any normal person but Ohno Satoshi was the leader of Arashi for several reasons. The first being that he had an undeniable air of finality in his every statement. The second being that he knew everything even if you did not want him to know. The third being that he won janken. The only person he did not know absolutely everything about was Jun and that's because Jun was the only one who knew how to outwit Ohno. 

 

Sho does not remember falling asleep but he certainly awoke to a rough thwap on the back of his head. He sits ramrod straight in his chair and glances around only to connect gazes with two beautiful light eyes. "I was under the impression that the person in the hospital bed was supposed to be the one sleeping Sho-kun." A soft smile toys at the edges of Jun's lips but it is replaced with a wide grin when Sho lunges and him and wraps him in the tightest of hugs possible around the tubes and machines. "Sho-kun?" 

 

Sho tightens his grip urging Jun not to question it just yet. "Please don't...just please never scare me like that again." Sho pulls away to stare deeply into Jun's beautiful eyes. "I had just opened the door and your body crumpled. I didn't know what to do. You just wouldn't wake up...please never do that again! Please I'm begging you take care of yourself Jun. We need you." Sho bows his head and misses the sad look that passes acros Jun's eyes when he says 'we' instead of 'I'. Sho would never need him. 

 

"I'm sorry for scaring you Sho-kun." Sho glances up to see Jun looking away from him witha small frown marring his features. "I just hadn't been sleeping well." 

 

"Don't lie." Jun jumps a bit at Sho's harsh words. The glimmer in the older man's eyes was not something Jun had seen in quite a while. His eyes were filled with rage and other dark emotions that Jun could never quite understand but they terrified him none the less. They reminded him that he would never see beautiful vibrant emotions in those dark eyes ever again. "Don't you dare lie to me and tell me it was lack of sleep Matsumoto Jun! You weren't sleeping and the doctors said you were malnourished, dehydrated, and exhausted; so don't you dare tell me it was just a lack of sleep. I don't know what I would have done if you would have been dead on that floor! God Jun you've got to take care of yourself; I don't care about how perfect your dance moves are at practices, or how well planned the tours and preformances are, I don't even care how terrible your next acting venture might be because all that I care about is you being healthy. If that means you quitting everything and throwing it all away then so be it Jun; you killing yourself to do it all hurts me to watch." 

 

Jun had shrunken in on himself by the end of Sho's rant but he could not go far before Sho's forehead was connecting to his. "Sho-kun, I-" 

 

"Please Jun." Jun could feel the warmth of Sho's breath on his lips with Sho's every word and it awoke memories in his mind that he had tried to bury for so many years. Tears burned at his eyes and he closes them trying to hold himself together with what thin and worn pieces of thread he had left. "I don't ever want to think that you're gone...that I might not be able to find that second chance with you." 

 

Jun's entire body tenses as a small warm drop of water lands on his cheek and Sho shakily exhales. His shoulders shake slightly and Jun watches as small trails of water glimmer on Sho's cheeks. He had never seen Sho cry; he had never expected to see him cry especially not over Jun. "Please don't cry Sho..." Sho glances down at Jun to see those big eyes looking at him with so much compassion and vivid emotion that they force him to releas the pain that had been constricting his chest for the last twenty-four hours. So, Sho cried and Jun held him close on the small hospital bed in the private room that none of the other members has returned to in who knows how long. Hell maybe Nino and Ohno had decided to give Sho one last chance to realize how much of an idiot he was. They should have been back from the press conference by now.

 

"Jun...I've always been proud of everything you've done. I've watched every episode of every drama and every movie at least a dozen time. I went to every stageplay and found time to watch every interview. Please never think I don't notice how amazing you are. You're practicaly perfect at everything and that scares me because I have done nothing but destroy the pedestal you held me on for so many years." Sho hugs Jun tighter then before and noses the top of his head taking in that warm flagrant scent that was and had always been entirely Jun. "Please know I love seeing you without barriers holding you back and your laughter can make my entire day brighter. Please continue being the brightest moment of my day. I don't know what I'd do without you." 

 

Sho was shaking and somewhere in the back of Jun's mind he marvels at the thought that this was the real emotion behind Sakurai Sho but the other more sane parts of his mind command his tired arms to lift around the older man's shoulders. Jun's not sure if it's wanted or even needed at the moment but he coaxes the others man's eyes up with a soft tug of his lengthening locks and press a warm pliant kiss to Sho's worried lips. It was nothing more then the light pressing of skin to skin but it was enough to calm the older man who's eyes widen into large saucers. 

 

If Jun was not so absolutely exhausted he would have laughed at the silly expression on the other man's face and does in fact manage a tired chuckle before his lids feel heavier and heavier. "You're the best part of my day too, Sho-kun." It was not a declaration of love, they were too old and too far past that for those words, but it was enough for Sho and Jun could feel the happiness of restful sleep settling over his mind. 

 

"I'm glad Macchan." Jun's asleep before the words pass through Sho's lips but he cannot find any unhappiness in his heart as he traces the content smile on the other man's face with his eyes. They had not agree to be together, that would come with time, but their feelings were made clear and Sho for once did not regret anything he said in this conversation with the younger man. In fact he was content to let things how they were until they were both ready to move forward together. "Thank you for this chance Macchan...I won't let you down this time." 

 

"If you do I reserve the right to make you a woman." 

 

Nino is leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a relieved smile tilting at the corner of his lips. He does not seem angry any more which is another thing Sho does not have to worry about. "Nino-" 

 

Sho pauses as Nino enters the room fully and settles into the seat across from him only to take up holding Jun's other hand. "I'm glad the princess woke up, though I'm disappointed that I couldn't threaten him a little before he went back to sleep. He owes me dinner for all the shit he put me through today."


End file.
